Today, we are going to discuss 10 questions that you and your partner can ask each other to connect on a more meaningful level. Although every conversation you have with your partner is significant, and no question or answer should be disregarded, the following questions can help your partner feel like the most important person in your life by making it abundantly clear that you place a high value on the relationship you share with them.
Listed below are ten questions that you can ask your partner to help foster a more profound and emotional connection between the two of you.
1. Is there anything I can do for you right now that will make you feel more loved or comfortable?
Assuming that you are getting things started off on the right foot by lying down together in a room devoid of distractions, it is always a good idea to inquire as to whether or not your partner requires anything before you start getting into the meatier aspects of the interaction.
It’s possible that you and your partner may need to check in with one another before you get into the meat of the discussion. This is similar to how members of a symphony orchestra tune to each other before playing a concert.
It’s possible that they want some time to themselves to simply lie still and take some deep breaths. Perhaps they want you to give them a hug and express your affection for them by making eye contact with them first. Or perhaps you should hurry over to them and make sure that their mobile phone is entirely turned off before you leave the room. Allow them to settle in however they see fit, whatever that may be. It will be well worth the effort.
2. What can I do to help you in your life more effectively?
Aaah… the backer of all your dreams, missions, and passions rolled into one.
It’s okay if your spouse has nothing to say in response to this question; there are times when it will, and other times when it won’t.
It’s possible that it will come out as something as straightforward as, “Could you please kiss me in the mornings before you get out of bed… even if you haven’t washed your teeth? ” Or something along these lines. If you kiss me in the morning, before I get out of bed and put on clothes, it makes a huge difference in how my day goes.
Or it could be something as significant as saying, “I’m about to take on a pretty massive project at work, and I honestly don’t know how much mental bandwidth I’ll have by the time that I get home.” Would you mind making supper for the next week? If you do, I guarantee that I’ll make it up to you once this particular work sprint comes to an end.
In spite of the favor they ask of you, you are in no way required to comply with the terms of the contract. However, you may begin the dance of deliberate intimacy just by asking the question and allowing them the opportunity to express their opinions in an open and honest manner.
3. Is there anything I did in the previous week that could have, without my knowledge, caused you any pain?
Prepare to be shocked, here we go… This is the point in the exercise that we start to walk into the region that is emotionally uprooting for us.
Although I don’t think it’s necessary to unearth everything hidden away in the shadowy parts of your mind in order to have a healthy relationship, I do think it’s important to dig up the significant issues that are ignored or forgotten about.
It’s possible that the response that your spouse gives to this question will take you by surprise, whether it’s something that you thought was unimportant or an argument that you had that you felt was resolved to a satisfactory degree.
Accept it with kindness and compassion, and give them the opportunity to explain their side of the story in its entirety without interfering. Pay close attention to what they say. Recognize that it takes great vulnerability and courage for your spouse to communicate frustration, anger, or discomfort with something that transpired between the two of you. This is true even if you had no intention of hurting them in any way, shape, or form. Recognize that this is the case.
Sincerely thank them for expressing their thoughts with you (it’s not an easy thing to do for most people), and then follow up by either apologizing for the incident or asking what you can do or say to help them feel more complete about the situation in question.
4. When you get home from work, what can I do or say to ensure that you have the strongest sense of being loved?
It is possible that your partner’s favorite technique of being greeted will be quite different from what you anticipate it would be. This will be the case not only because of the type of profession they have but also because of who they are as an individual.
As they adjust to their new surroundings, it’s likely best for them to have as little interaction with the outside world as possible during the initial few minutes. Or perhaps they like to skip the small talk and jump directly into the physical aspect of their relationship.
If you want to get to know your spouse better and take your connection to the next level, all it takes is one straightforward inquiry, regardless of what it is they want or need from you.
5. Is there a particular type of physical touch that you find comforting and that I could do more of to make you feel loved?
This inquiry is about touch that is not sexual in nature.
Is there some form of physical closeness that they both feel they are missing from the relationship? Do they want to make more of an effort to hold hands? Do they adore it when you mess with their hair and make silly faces? Do they just like it when you sneak up on them from behind and put your arms around them?
Ask, be clear on what would make them feel more loved, and then try your best to incorporate that type of touch into your everyday routine as much as you can.
6. During the next several days, do you think you will require more time alone or more closeness?
The degree to which we require autonomy and proximity to others shifts dramatically during the day.
It’s possible that your partner has had a very emotionally taxing week, in which case they could benefit from an especially large dosage of words of affirmation, physical intimacy, and praises. Or, it’s possible that they are making tremendous strides in their professional life, and they require a little bit of breathing room while they take the reins of their life for a short while.
It does not imply that they love you any less if they have a higher need for independence and time to themselves, and it does not indicate that they are needy if they have a greater desire for intimacy. Simply put, people have emotional needs, and those needs shift depending on a large range of factors that are always shifting throughout their lifetimes. The more you can adjust your mental and emotional demands to meet those of your spouse while still being aware of those needs yourself, the better off you will be.
7. Do you have any lingering questions or concerns regarding any of the arguments we had over the previous week?
This question is very similar to the third one in the sense that it directly brings up possible wounds from the previous week. By posing the question in a different setting, you give your partner the opportunity to reflect on whether or not they believe your arguments have been resolved.
It’s possible that your instincts are telling you not to ask this question (“But if I ask this… won’t they remember that they were mad? Then they’ll get mad at me again!”), but you should go ahead and do it anyway. However, if you and your partner are able to work through this awkward situation together, it will make it possible for the tension that has been building up to be released.
Have you ever heard the saying, “Saying no hurts for a minute, but saying yes aches for months?” If not, you should. It boils down to the fact that when we are aggressive and upfront with our wants and needs, it might make for an awkward situation. On the other hand, if we don’t, the cost will be the low-level worry that we experience as a result of not being honest with ourselves.
This question operates in a very same fashion as the third one. It is so simple to gloss over the challenging events that took place during the previous week. What requires bravery and strength is deciding to go through it consciously so that the muck that’s between you and the other person doesn’t have the chance to blossom into resentment.
Take the initiative… Your relationship will thank you for it.
8. In recent times, what are your thoughts on our sexual life together?
The fact that you (hopefully) engage in sexual activity with your intimate partner is one of the most significant aspects that differentiates this connection from all of the others in your life. And yet, what is regarded as the most common topic that couples report as the most stressful item that they don’t address that ultimately leads to the breakup of their relationship? Along with money, what is it? The answer is… sexual activity.
Inquire of your spouse about the degree to which they are pleased with your recent sexual activities. Ask them if there is anything they would like more of, less of, or even other sex acts than you’ve been having and see if they have any suggestions.
Be patient and give it some time if you’re just starting out as a couple because the answer to this question will become clearer the longer you’ve been together.
9. What are the primary sources of stress in your life right now, and is there any way that I can help relieve some of that stress for you, even if it’s just a little bit?
An open-ended question that encourages people to delve further into their thoughts and reveals any vulnerable areas they may have.
Asking your partner what they are having trouble coping with at the moment is the simplest way to gain insight into their thought process because it puts the focus squarely on them.
As is the case with any of the questions that are brought up in this article, you are free to adjust the terminology to fit the way that you normally communicate. There is one definite approach to boost the sensations of depth and connectivity in your relationship, and that is to do anything that has the subtext of “How can I lessen your load?”
10. At what points in time do you find it challenging to communicate, and how can I best support you as you work through those times?
This is one of the questions that you might ask yourself approximately once every few months, and boy, does it ever pack a big punch.
Everyone is susceptible to feeling emotionally vulnerable in a wide variety of settings due to their own unique set of emotional triggers.
Perhaps your partner feels easily offended if you do something that they perceive to be a public form of criticism directed toward them. When you and your partner disagree about some topics that are emotionally charged, including sex, finances, or the in-laws, they may tend to withdraw from the conversation. Or, something can happen to them in the bedroom that causes them to feel inadequate or humiliated about themselves.
No matter what the explanation may be, there is always a way around it that might make your lover feel a great deal more loved and cared for.
In conclusion, you should ask these questions and others like it that you can come up with to get to know your partner better, to learn more about their love language, to determine if there has been a change in what they typically liked (given that change is an unavoidable aspect of life), and to gain an understanding of the phases of their lives.
And having a conversation about it is the only way for you and your spouse to figure out what works best for the two of you.